There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
