I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
