Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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