why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
