Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
