I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
