I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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