You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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