don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
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