Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
