Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
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