hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
