I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
