I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
We need to rekindle our bromance
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
