im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
