I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Randomize
