I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
