The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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