The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
