he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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