Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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