we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
