The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
