You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
