im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Randomize
