Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
