no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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