go do what you do best...puke behind churches
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
