I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
how drunk are you?
Several
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
