Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
