I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
