somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
