This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I look better un-naked...
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
