Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize