she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
