you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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