Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
