She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
you didnt know i had herpes?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
she told me i tasted like america
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Randomize
