All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
