Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Randomize
