I think i sorta joined a cult last night
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
He better not be in your backpack
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
