I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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