Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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