it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
