He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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