you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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