u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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