Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
