Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Randomize
