3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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