i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
