I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
